Before jumping into this whole ‘Blog The Crabbies Experience’, please be sure to read the set of Foundations Blogs by clicking on the Foundations Category. This will help you get an up front basic understanding of what this is all about. Also check out the Blogroll Links in the right column to crabbiemasters.org and to beckyundlin.com.
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The blog is a way of helping parents connect and may be beneficial to you as you maneuver through the CrabbieMasters website. For the moment, there are 4 key topics to address: SIGHTWORDS: I want to point out that the words on the coloring sheets you children will be receiving are predominately sight words. These are the high frequency words that will be helpful for your child to know as an early reader. I would be happy to provide more information on helping your child with school readiness. Contact me if you are interested. POSTCARDS: One of the tools I use in helping to reinforce the beating of the Crabbies is that I have sent the kids postcards. I did not think I should send them home with the kids or that would spoil the surprise that is associated with having them come in the mail. Ask at the desk in the day care center and they will give you a set. Send as many as you would like. We would be happy for feedback on how it works! USING THE BLOG: The blog is a way of helping parents connect and it may be beneficial to you as you maneuver through the CrabbieMasters website. This gives parents a chance to share experiences and ask questions as their time permits. MORE INFORMATION: I am available to meet either on an individual or small group basis to provide more background on the CrabbieMasters origin and the principles that make it work. Contact me to set up a time that works for you. In addition, don’t forget to check out www.beckyundlin.com. Becky Yes, of course! But what we may not realize is how much! According to the book Sleepless in America, by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka, the average sleep (including naps) needed each day breaks out by age group about like this chart shows (p.123): Infant……………..0–12 months…..14-18 hrs My experience confirms this. What parents sometimes don’t think of is that that if your child stays up late or skips a nap on weekends, they may never get caught up during the week. Often, I have seen that children who are really simply tired are thought to have behavior or attention issue. Unfortunately, the behaviors associated with tiredness can mistakenly be attributed to personality or temperament. Studies are now showing that many of the children diagnosed with ADD are actually just sleep deprived. But, even if you are convinced that your child ‘still needs a nap’, your child still may have an issue with it. I find that calling naps ‘Power Ups’ and talking about this topic in terms of beating the Too-Tired Crabbies can make a big difference. Another trick I use is to have children lie down quiet even if they ‘won’t take a nap’. They will agree to ‘just rest’. And then they fall asleep! Becky In considering the example of table manners one day, it occurred to me that it is important to determine what actually IS small stuff. I agree with the conclusion my parenting group came to: Completely ignoring some behaviors will come back to haunt you. Choosing the time to address the behaviors is the important piece. In addition, I believe that when addressing the behaviors you cannot fake empathy and understanding. This is where the use of The Crabbies works so well for me. I can pinpoint a specific Crabbie associated with a given negative behavior. This is a means of addressing the behavior, and not the child. This also puts me in the position of supporting the child, decreasing the chance of defensive reactions, etc. Over time, kids have an understanding of how to beat each of The Crabbies, and can relate it to their own situation. I cannot overstate the importance of making the process of beating The Crabbies FUN!! Just last week, I happened to think of a day from years ago. I hung a Junk-Food Crabbie in the cupboard where I store snacks. Almost every time I open that cupboard, one of the kids comments about Junk-Food being there. We take the opportunity to say, “Ha Ha Junk-Food, we are beating you today!” This is just one really simple example of how to lay the ground work for making things fun. A quick word about Kids-In-Charge. This is really code for responsible kids. It is natural for kids to want to have a say in what they do and they love the term Kids-In-Charge. Once the kids have been introduced to all of The Crabbies and have an understanding of what it takes to beat each of them, they are ready for Kids-In-Charge. (The fact is, they will WANT to beat The Crabbies in order to be a Kid-In-Charge!) Authoritative parents set clear and consistent limits for children. They are flexible but firm, which leads to children who are responsible, cooperative, and self reliant. There are 4 simple Kid-In-Charge ‘rules’: Making the CrabbieMasters program work for you! It is very important that other adults recognize that I “Blew Out My Own Crabbies” first! (I literally opened the door and blew them out for the first time over20 years ago!) At that time and even now, I did not TELL the kids to blow theirs out; they chose to. Over the years, when parents would report that their kids did not want them talking about The Crabbies, I realized that this was a key difference. An additional observation is that before creating the website and before making my decision to share the program with others, parents were asking me all the time what the program was about because the kids were talking about it. NOW, I get reports from parents that their kids NEVER mention it and do not respond if their parent(s) bring it up. The reason for this is very clear: It has to do with both the idea of the need for parents to own their own Crabbies first and thoroughly understanding that this is not a new way of controlling their children. This is not about controlling kids; instead, it is about helping kids see the things that get in the way of their day (i.e. not enough sleep, needing food, frustration with friends or when trying something new etc). It is about helping kids regulate themselves. Parenting styles are often put into 3 categories: Authoritarian, Authoritative, and Permissive. Using CrabbieMasters is an Authoritative Approach. It is neither Authoritarian nor Permissive. Authoritative parents set clear and consistent limits for children. They are flexible but firm, which leads to children who are responsible, cooperative, and self reliant. Being firm on the limits and being consistent are very much the key, but what the definition does not tell address is what goes on between the limit setting and the responsible, cooperative, self reliant kids. My own experience and observations tell me that the gap is often filled with power struggles. Use of Externalization: (’Blaming’ The Crabbies rather than ‘blaming’ the child is about addressing behavior and not shaming the person.) A key premise of the externalization principle is: “The problem is the problem; the person is not the problem.” Focusing on the problem instead of the person reduces the feelings of guilt and shame — and the defensive behaviors associated with them. Result: Parents and Children working together, NOT parent and children engaging in power struggles. I was talking to my husband, Mike, and I said, “The biggest thing about the CrabbieMasters is that they have all fun…… all the goody goody research, but make it fun!!” So Mike says, “There is your tag line! CrabbieMasters: All the Goody Goody Research, but more Funner”. Of course, being a teacher I just couldn’t get quite that informal on the main rolling header at the top of the website in case any children saw it, but hopefully, you get the point. Beating The Crabbies is all about making it FUN! If I did not have the playfulness of the CrabbieMasters and the bond with the kids that the process creates, I surely would not love what I do so much!! The kids and I have so much fun, while at the same time they are becoming responsible, cooperative and self reliant, as described in the definition of Authoritative Parenting. |
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